Modesty - What is and What isn't?

Modesty has become a rather hot topic in the blog world. I have seen several blogs that address the topic, and a couple of blogs that ran a series on it. The confusing part is that each person has their own definition of what is modest and what isn't. So how do we know?

Well, like many other bloggers, I have my own definition of modesty. I am going to "stick my neck out" and let you know where I stand. You may or may not agree with me on certain aspects, but I hope what you read here will give you something to think about, and that you will be open to what standard God places on your heart. I am not posting this to start a debate, or to offend anyone, just stating where I stand - where I have stood for years.

First off, the most important fact about modesty, is that it must come from the heart. If you click the modesty label, you will see that I have spent several posts on this. If you are modest because that is the way people want you to dress, whether it be your parents or your church rules or the crowd you hang out with, your standards may be subject to change. Our standards on anything should be convictions based on God's Word. While you are young, study and ask those in authority or those you trust, to help you learn how to be modest. The important thing is to pray for God to reveal His standard. Those of us that are older, should really do the same thing! There is always room for more learning.

So here are some of my basic guidelines for modesty:

1. Modesty for all
Biblical Principal: In Genesis 3, we read the story of the fall and the entrance of sin to mankind. As a result of sin, man realized that he was immodest. He made an attempt at modesty, but his attempt wasn't good enough. Adam only made an apron, God made them garments or coats of skins.
Application: God's principals of modesty apply to both men and women. God's design of modesty is for the body to be covered. Man's definition of modesty isn't good enough. This is why it is important to ask God's help in setting your standard of modesty.2. The torso is to be covered
Biblical Principal: Back to Genesis 3. What does an apron cover? Not much. But the coat that God made for Adam and Eve can be defined as a tunic or long shirt-like garment. (reference) The same word for coat used in Gen. 3:21 is also used in Job 30:18.
Application: God commands that our torso be covered. This principal deals with the part of the body from the waist to the neckline. Though God's principal applies to both men and women, it is more difficult for women for obvious reasons, and thus it is important to women to take particular care in this area. Clothing that is to tight and shows the form is not concealing the torso and therefore can't be modest. Personally, to aid in covering my torso, I wear sleeves that are long enough so that when I raise my arms or move about, I am not uncovering my torso. A top that is too low is revealing the torso. If when you bend over your torso is uncovered, you need to consider adding another layer or wearing another top.

3. The thigh is to be covered
Biblical Principal: Exodus 28:42 The Old Testament priests were given standards of modesty. This verse tells of the breeches that they would wear that covered their "nakedness" - from the hips to the knees.
Application: God's principal of modesty is that our thighs should be covered. This doesn't just mean when we are standing in front of a bedroom or fitting room mirror. Modesty means in whatever position you are in - standing or sitting, running or walking.

4. Men dress as men, Women dress as women.
Biblical Principal: Deuteronomy 22:5 This verse states that men are to wear men's clothing and women to wear women's clothing.
Application: There is much debate over what consists of women's clothing. (Funny, everyone generally seems to agree on what is men's clothing.) Of course, this is defined by culture. Although cultures have their own styles of dress, there is always a difference in the styles worn by women and men. I have always lived in a western culture, as many of you have, I'm sure. In our culture, you don't have to go far to figure out what defines women's clothing. As a woman, I am going to pick the public restroom with a dress on the door. It has only been in the past 60 to 70 years that women have chosen to wear pants publically as a norm. (I won't go into the history here, but pants did't used to be the norm for women.) Just because most women wear pants, doesn't mean I should dress any less femine to simply "fit in." This is why I choose to wear dresses and skirts for clothing. To me, it is just that straightforward.

The purpose of clothing is to conceal, not to draw attention to our body. Just like all other areas of life, we should choose to honor God in the way we dress. As a woman, I want to dress modestly to honor God, and also to respect my husband. I do not wish to be a stumbling block for others, or to draw undue attention to myself by dressing outlandishly or immodestly. I hope this post has been helpful for someone. If you don't agree with me, that is fine. I am not posting to condemn anyone, or to be controversial. This is something I have felt I needed to address for some time, and it has been a more difficult post to construct. My prayer is that it will lead you to ask God what His standard is for you.

Many blessings!

Charity
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For more information on Biblical Modesty, you may want to read the series of notes linked to on this website. The information shared there is written by Dr. Phillip Brown II, an instructor at God's Bible School and College.

(Image Source)

Four "Ships"

I haven't done a post on modesty in a while... o.k. really I haven't done a POST in a while at least not here, but anyway, here I am. :) I was looking over some of my notes on modesty, and came across a page I titled "Principals of Modesty from the Bible." There are four main principals, you are welcome to go grab your Bible! I'll wait....

You've got time, I'm still waiting.... :)

Ok, ready?

The first principal is Ownership. Nothing that you have belongs to you. All things belong to God, after all, He made it all! This includes your body and your clothing, when you are His child. Take a look at 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (if you don't have your Bible handy, just click on the verse.) Not only are each of us created by God, but, if we are Christians, a high price has been paid for us, the life of Jesus Christ, God's only Son!
Move to the next chapter, 1 Corinthians 7:23, If we are children of God, we are not to be in bondage to what people think we should do. Our first responsibility is to honor God. (This does mean, however, that we are to be respectful of the authorities that God has placed over us. Whatever place you are in life, there is going to be a God given authority, whether it be parents, the head of your dorm, a boss, a husband,... We are to respect these authorities, so long as they do not ask us to do something that is contrary to God's word.) Basically, I see that this verse means that we are not to be trapped into a "worldly" mindset, trying to please men instead of God.

On to the second principal Lordship. When we become Christians, Jesus becomes the head of our lives. He is Lord over all.
Let's move over to the Old Testament: Isaiah 37: 20. God has done many wonderful things for us. The most wonderful, of course, that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins so that we could have an eternal relationship with God. Through His works in our lives, God is proving His Lordship.
Nehemiah 9:6 - God is GOD. He created the whole earth! Not only that, but He keeps the whole thing going! (I'd really hate for gravity to turn loose about now, wouldn't you?) He also has control over ever aspect of our lives. Sometimes we don't exactly like what we are going through, but we can know that God will use everything for His glory (Romans 8:28)

Ok, ready for the next one? Citizenship! As a Christian, you are a child of God and you belong to a different kingdom, one not of this world. The people on this earth can have some pretty mixed up goals! As Heavenly citizens, we should keep our thoughts on our Goal - pleasing God in all we do and making it to Heaven someday.
Luke 12:29-32 - When we seek God's kingdom first, He will provide all of our needs (and even some of our "wants!") This provision is His "good pleasure." He love to provide for us and care for us.
John 18:36 - Jesus is speaking to Pilate during His trial. He is stating that His kingdom is not in the world. (Many of His followers, while He was on earth, thought that He would defeat the Romans and rule over an earthly kingdom.) He makes it clear to Pilate, and to you and me, that He was not of the world.

And on to the last principal, Stewardship. Whatever we have, God has entrusted to us to take care of.
Matthew 25:21 - This is taken from a parable that Jesus told (click here to read the whole thing). Basically, Jesus is telling His followers that when we are faithful to take care of the things that He has given us, we will be given more important things to care for.

Ok, so each of these principals can apply to different areas of our lives. How do they specifically apply to modesty? God has Ownership over us, as Christians, we belong to Him and we should seek to glorify God in the way that we dress. Jesus is Lord over our lives, we aren't our own bosses, but should seek to obey Him in all things, including, get this... how we dress! As Citizens of a heavenly country, we are not bound by this earth's "rules" for how we should look. We go by a different set of rules. And finally, because we are Stewards of all that has been given us, including our clothing and bodies, we should use this in a way that glorify God. We should seek to bring honor to God in all that we do, especially in the way that we dress. When people look at us, our appearance is what they see first and we should point people to God even in what we choose to wear.

Sidenote: I may have read/borrowed this from an article or book, if I find it somewhere else, I will give credit to whom it is due. If you have read this somewhere, please let me know, so I can quote my source! :)
Blessings,
Charity

Lasting Influence

I have found, out in "blogdom," a few blogs that uphold some of the same values that I hold to - especially in terms of true womanhood. I came across this posting this evening, from The Pleasant Times blog, and thought that many of you would enjoy it and benefit from it. It is titled "Girls and their Influence."

Here are a couple of "teaser" quotes to get you started:

In regard to modesty:

If a girl dresses decently and modestly, a boy will have different conduct towards her than with other girls. Even if he is not acquainted with her, he may speak differently to her, use a more serious tone with her, be more sincere in conversation with her, than he would with immodest girls. Immodestly dressed girls are assumed to be immodest in conduct as well, so a boy will be inclined to take more liberties with his words and mannerisms and foolishness with her. He thinks she will like this kind of thing, whereas the girl who is modest and serious would not approve of any conduct less than a gentleman's.

In regard to life in general:

The girl I am describing will have a better time in life than the wild and unchecked girl. Boys will be more cautious not to offend her, and are more inclined to treat her right. Folks old and young will curb their swearing or idle talk when she is around. People will come to her for advice, or know she can be relied upon for certain responsibilities. She will secure men's good opinion wherever she goes. She will find doors opened for her in life, both literally and figuratively. She will find many friends to value, and who value her, and would not want to drag her down in the mire.

The Battle of the Mind

Most conflicts, if not all, begin with a single thought. (Wow, you might be saying, she sure is brilliant... or not. :) Well, let me continue.) Ofttimes the temptations we face and the internal battles we fight are brought on by a single train of thought. If this train is allowed to continue to roll around in our brains, it becomes longer and longer and may lead to a temptation in a certain area and then to sin. Where does the thought come from? Contrary to some beliefs, thoughts themselves are not sin, but it is what we do with those thoughts that can lead to sin.

Let me explain what I mean a little more. Satan knows his first battle ground in fighting for a soul is in the person's mind. Thus he sometimes plants thoughts in our brain, perhaps by whispering them in our ear or by having someone else bring the thought to our attention. (Hint: this is why it is sooo important to watch out for what we are putting in our minds with books, magazines, radio, other audio/visual media, and what we talk about with others! Sometimes it is better to be thought "dumb" about certain things, than to know things that are going to negatively affect your walk with Christ.)

Here is an example, maybe a little far fetched, but hopefully will get the point across: You are at the bank cashing the check your grandma sent for your birthday. Some thought enters your mind, "Rob the bank and you will be rich!" You think Where did that come from? but you continue to dwell on the thought as you wait in line. Maybe you don't do it this time, but as the days pass, you continue to allow your mind to go back to that train of though. Boy, I sure could use the money right now! My cell phone bill is due next week - all those texts sure do add up! So by the next time you go to the bank, you have decided to get rich quick! You rob the bank, the surveillance cameras record you, your picture is all over the news, you are arrested that evening for theft, and you spend the next twenty years paying for your crime! And all this would have been avoided, had you not dwelt on that first single thought!

So, really, you probably aren't going to be tempted to rob a bank, right? But Satan doesn't tempt us in things that have no appeal for us. He probably keeps a card file of everyone's personalities and is sure to tempt them in something that will have a chance of causing them to fall! So how do we fight this?? By starting where it all begins... thus, the battle of the mind!

Battle Strategy
I believe that every person fights this battle of the mind in one way or another. Here is a Scripture that God gave me this verse in 2 Corinthians 10, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;" Personally, I visualize myself binding up the thought and casting it out of my mind. And the guideline for inappropriate thoughts is does it go against God's laws? and of course it is pure, lovely, true, etc.... (Philippians 4:8) Not only do you need to bind up the thought and cast it out, but when it comes back to mind, because Satan doesn't always give up after one try, to remember that you have cast out that thought and make a conscience decision to not dwell on it and PRAY, for only with Christ can you truly win. This battle of the mind is fought over many different issues such as modesty, purity, life choices, and just fill in the blank for the battle that you are fighting! God has promised His help when we ask and also that He would never give us more than we can bear - 1 Corinthians 10:13.


**Image courtesy of www.south-africa-tourism.com

The Butterfly!

One more thought for today... I'm sure many of you love butterflies! I know I love to see them fluttering through the flowers in my yard, they are so beautiful and colorful! Did you know that their colors are not caused by pigment?? (pigment is what colors your eyes, skin and hair) The scales on a butterfly's wings don't contain this pigment, but the colors we see are a reflection of the sun light. In other words, if it were dark, we wouldn't see their color at all! Hummingbirds are the same way!

How does this apply to us? Our clothing should be a reflection of the SON Light - God's Son, Jesus! Without His light reflected in us and in our actions, we are just as dark as the rest of the world! But when we reflect Him, people see the beauty that He has created in us!

Someone is Watching!!

One of the factors that I've talked about in our modesty discussions is why do we wear certain things? to get attention? whose attention? While our main objective in clothing should not be to draw attention to ourselves, the fact remains that people notice what we wear! Maybe you've had someone stop you because of something they noticed about you? For my sister, it's her hair; for me (my hair is usually put up) it is usually my skirts and non-made-up face. Many people notice and appreciate a modest look, whether they always comment to you or not. I had on gentleman that came into where I work stop me and say "You are a beautiful lady." He was not being rude, his meaning was that he noticed that I dressed and acted like a lady and it showed. You might be surprised, as I was, at the people that notice your modest apparel and actions.

Not only are there people that notice what we look like, but what about the people that may be copying how we look? Each of us most likely has someone who looks up to us and wants to emulate (copy) our appearance or fashion sense, whether she is a sister, niece, cousin, or friend. I don't want to be one who sets a bad example for someone else, do you? You probably have those that you look up to for their fashion sense, I know I do. Maybe you have been disappointed by that person, but I hope not! And I hope and pray that we aren't a disappointment to someone else!

Attention Please!!!!!

So why do we choose the clothing that we choose? Many times, clothing is chosen to attract attention, right? Maybe you can think of a few examples. Perhaps someone chooses clothing to get the attention of others their age, to attract friends or boyfriends. Maybe they choose certain items to get the attention of those in authority - parents or teachers. (Think of those outlandish characters you have seen roaming the mall... do you think they are trying to get attention?) Maybe some don't even know what kind of attention they want, they know they just want someone to notice them, and what they are really craving is unconditional love. (That could be an entirely different topic!)

The question is, why are you choosing the clothes that you do? Is it to get attention? If so, whose? Are you trying to attract compliments from others? If so, think about your reasons. Is it wrong to dress in a way that is attractive? No, of course not. But attracting attention should not be our primary motive when choosing/buying clothing. Who should we ultimately be trying to please with our wardrobe???? God!!! right?

Proverbs 31:30: "Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised." One way of applying Scripture is to rephrase a verse in our own words. Here is my thoughts of what this verse means: What others say they think of us can be deceitful, and beauty really doesn't amount to anything lasting, but the woman that puts God first and reverences Him is promised praise.

I love reading good books! Here is a section from Little Women by Louisa Alcott, a dialogue between the oldest, Meg, and Marmee, that applies to this post today:

"I'll not be sentimental or dissatisfied, mother; I know I'm a silly little girl, and I'll stay with you till I'm fit to take care of myself. But it is nice to be praised and admired, and I can't help saying I like it," said Meg, looking half ashamed of the confession.
"That is perfectly natural, and quite harmless, if the liking does not become a passion, and lead one to do foolish or unmaidenly things. Learn to know and value the praise which is worth having, and to excite the admiration of excellent people by being modest as well as pretty, Meg."

Distinctive

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!!!" Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. It describes how much God loves each one of us and how we are all uniquely designed by God. You are wonderfully designed by God. No two people are alike.

Another of my favorite verses is Revelation 2:17, "He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receiveth it." Have you ever had a nickname? A person might give you a nickname because she is such a good friend and knows you so well. The names don't always make sense, at least not to other people, but it is something fun between you and the other person. (just for fun, post your favorites in comments.) The last part of this verse says that God wants to give you a special name just between you and Him. It is a way of showing how much He loves you. This name is unique to you, it defines who you are according to the One who made you uniquely you!

God wants to define you... to show you who you truly are and who you are to become as you mature in Him. Are you allowing God to name you, to define who you are becoming? Or are you allowing others to do it. I don't mean just nicknames here - I mean who you are as a person, as a young woman growing in Christ. Are you letting other people put you in a box and label who you are to become, or are you asking God to give you what He has for you? Are you letting God give you the freedom to be all that he made you to be?

"So," you ask, "how does this connect with modesty?" I am soo glad you asked!! :) Who are you allowing to tell you what to wear? Is it the latest fashion magazine? What all your friends/classmates are wearing? Or will you let God make your "fashion statement?" (Through His Word, your conscience, or your parents instructions) When you are more concerned with pleasing God through your dress than fitting in with the crowd, you are free to become truly modest.

One more thought on unique, God made us all different, with different tastes. We each have our own style! For example... my sister likes all things bright and sparkley, we tease her about needing sunglasses to go in her room... crazy daisies, anyone??? I, on the other hand, tend to be more classic in my style in my home and in my wardrobe - although I do have my moments... like those hot pink, patent leather shoes I just bought.... Hey, they were only $5!! :) Ok, back to the point, don't be afraid to enjoy your style... no one else is going to do it for you! "Remember, God made you special and He loves you very much!"
Be Uniquely You!!!

What to wear?

As girls that desire God's best, we should pay attention to what people see when they look at us. Do people see a flashy chick who is trying to draw attention to herself through her clothes, or do we reflect Christ and draw others to Him?

One of my favorite verses regarding "clothing" is found in Proverbs 31:25-26: "Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Go grab your Bible and let's look at Proverbs 31. I'll wait..... OK, the woman described in Proverbs 31 is like the ultimate woman. She works very hard to care for her family and all in her household (v. 15, 21), she is a shrewd business woman (v. 16), she is very strong physically (v. 17), she cares about those in need (v. 20), and she dresses well (v. 22). Wow! I don't know about you, but that is a lot for me to live up to. But the Bible isn't finished yet, in the verses I quoted above, she is clothed in strength and honor. How do you see this woman? I see her as someone of high moral character. She has a strength of character that people recognize this just by looking at her. Whenever she says something, it is wise and kind. (She must think a lot before she speaks... great lesson for all of us!)

So back to the question in my title: What to wear? We need to be attired with strength, honor, wisdom, and kindness. When we go out of our home, and people look at us, shouldn't they see a young lady of great moral strength and character that speaks with wisdom and kindness and truly desires God's will for her life? -and not someone who desires to look like the models in the latest magazine as much her parents will let her?

What Guidlines?

So how do we know what is modest and what isn't? I will get into some more specifics later, but for now the question is, where is our standard coming from? I see a lot of different standards of modesty, and even in churches there is a wide range of ideas of what is modest. So what do we compare ourselves to, or should we? What about "if ____ wears it, then it must be o.k." or "I am more modest than ____ so I must be modest." Is this your standard?

Here is my challenge: read what God's word has to say! Hmmm... profound right? :) We can't use this world as a standard, obviously!! And frankly, we shouldn't use even our Christian friends. God wants to deal with each of us individually. (and by the way, God gave you to your parents for a reason! He hand picked you for them. Talk to them about what is modest and what isn't.)

Basically, don't allow yourself to get all caught up in what is "cool." (anyway, what is cool this week, won't be the next, so why waste money?) My method is to stick with some basic stuff that doesn't go out of style each season, make these things your bigger investments. Then spend just a little on accents that will help you look up to date. NEWS FLASH: being modest doesn't mean dressing weird, or way out of style. It means reflecting Christ in the way you dress!

The Heart

So to summarize, the important thing to remember about modesty is that it starts in the heart. To be truly modest, you should ask God to help you to desire a heart that wants to be modest. So we should focus on having modest desires. How? Well, when we give our desires to God, He will mold them into desires that follow His heart. It means giving up self, or selfish desires, and allow God to lead us. This is a very simple definition of entire sanctification - giving up selfishness and allowing God control of your life.

Maybe you know someone or have seen someone who wears the "right" clothes, but for some reason just doesn't seem to be a modest person? Maybe her actions or words speak of immodesty. Perhaps this person doesn't desire modesty from the heart, but is just dressing a certain way because it is required. Do you think that this person has truly given God her all? Here is a shocker, just because a person wears a certain type of clothing doesn't make them a Christian! The same for what church they go to, books they read, music they listen to... the list goes on! What really matters is what is in the heart!!

Definitions

So what do those words mean? Sobriety refers simply to soberness of mind or temperance, or as we would term it, self control - one of the fruits of the Spirit. Shamefacedness is the Greek work aidos which means a sense of shame or honor, modesty, bashfulness, reverence, regard for others, respect. Think about each of the words in the definition for a minute.

• "sense of shame or honor" God wants us to act with honor, to be honorable, or to have a sense of what is honorable.

• "Modesty" can be defined not only as a way of dressing, but also not being proud or vain. One of the things that God hates, according to Proverbs six, is a proud look.

• "Bashfulness" Someone who is bashful, isn't trying to draw attention to themselves. As Christians, shouldn't our goal be to draw attention to God and not to ourselves?

• "Reverence" We are to have respect for the things of God and what He tells us through His Word

• "Regard for others" This one should be obvious. As a person who desires to honor God, shouldn't we show His love to others and be considerate of others?

• "Respect" This word goes along with reverence and regard for others. We should have respect for God and other people. I can also add having respect for God's creation and being good stewards of the world He has created for us.
  

This is the description of a godly woman given in 1 Timothy. It is a lot to live up to. We can only become this person with God's help.

Modesty 101

What is up with all the talk about modesty? Does God really care what we wear? The next several posts will be taken from my study on modesty and will be an attempt to explain the importance of modesty.
Most of you would probably agree that you like clothes, right? I know I do, and I enjoy putting together different outfits, finding things on sale, like a cute new pair of shoes, and even sewing a few of my own designs sometimes. But is modesty, like beauty, only skin deep? I don't believe so. I am of the opinion that God cares more than just the appearance of modesty. Like the Bible says in 1 Samuel 16:7 "for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart."
One of the key passages about modesty is 1 Timothy 2:9-10 which says, "9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works." Well, there are a couple of million dollar words: shamefacedness and sobriety. What do they mean? Just keep reading! :)